


Drunken Love

by DeanneA



Category: Pentatonix, Scomiche - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-18
Updated: 2016-01-18
Packaged: 2018-05-14 19:02:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 24
Words: 22,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5754646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeanneA/pseuds/DeanneA
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some things aren't visible when they're happening.  It sounds crazy but I've learned it's true.  It's only looking back that you can see the big picture.  So, since you asked, this is what happened and where those crazy nights led.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. March 25

So none of this will make sense without a little background. I know you think you know me and you think you know him, but you only know the people we are now. Back then, we weren't much older than you are now. Then, we didn't know how our story ended.

We were inseparable, to the point that even our best friends were often annoyed by our co-dependency. We lived together, toured together, partied together (okay, mostly him) and were absolutely best friends. I loved him, and he loved me.

There's no way I can tell even most of our story here. Instead, I'll try to stick with what you've asked and not go off on too many of my famous tangents. I need you to come on a quick journey with me, back to when I was a crazy twenty-something; slightly famous, completely lost and mostly happy. 

I'm not going to hold back, and I'm not going to gloss over things. You're going to get more than you wanted, in some places, but that's what the wine is for. It's all important. During some parts you may want to smack him, or scream at me, and if so, I've done a good job of describing how ridiculous that year was.....


	2. March 27

I don't know where to start because this story doesn't have a beginning. Instead, let me tell you a story about a rather average day in our lives. This is just one night of many that I refused to see. Even thinking about it now I still don't fault myself for not figuring things out quicker. Some things are meant to be gone through, honey, they can't be skipped over. You'll drive yourself crazy looking back and degrading yourself and the whole time you'll just be wasting time that should be focused on now. Now is important. Maybe that's why I don't usually talk about this, but you asked. Things were different, we were different. It was like this...

*****

"Miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch" he yelled/sang, laying on the couch.

"Mmmhmmm?" I didn't even look up from my phone, he was too wasted to need anything of importance and this was the 294th time he'd said my name (or some version thereof) in the past hour.

"Can you get me a refill?" His glass was waving in the air but I figured it was empty enough to not be a concern.

"You're kidding, right? Get your own. Better yet, don't. Drink some water Sloshed Man."

"I have to stay drunk or it'll ruin my night. Sta-dunna. Sta-dru-kanna? I have a PLAN, man."

"Ah yes, Alex is coming to pick you up. I remember. Oh, it's 15 minutes; I'm supposed to tell you to go check yourself before you wreck yourself" I answered, sassing up the last few words. "Maybe too late for that though. Go make yourself presentable."

"Need a hat."

I glanced over, half of his hair on end from running his fingers through it, the other side flat from the pillow. Nada-haat. Yes, you do. They're in your room. And use the bathroom, you know he hates to pull over."

"Wish you'd come with me" he mumbled as he wandered into his room.

Yeah, not happening. We had a ton of the same friends, although he was definitely the linchpin. I guess the easiest way to describe it is if we *had* been a couple, and broken up, most of them would have stuck with him. It's not that I don't like them, or have fun with them, it was just...... well it just was. I'm more of a one-on-one person, and had a small group of friends that he wasn't really involved in either. So yeah, I hung with them a lot and was close with a few, but there were plenty of nights that I stayed home. I've never been as much of a party person as he is. Tonight I was going to chillax and spend an obscene amount of time on Tumblr.

When I heard the knock at the door I walked by Scott's room, banging on his door and then let Alex in. Apparently Scott had been talking to him through the evening, so he knew what he was getting into.

"Is he as drunk as he seems?" he asked me, straightening his hat.

"He's very happy. If you let him do shots, I'm not responsible for what happens." I joked. Just then Scott wandered over and they headed out. I had the place to myself for hours and I was a happy boy. I turned up my stereo, not caring about the neighbors who already hated us anyway, grabbed a snack, and settled onto the couch.

I had just settled into bed when I heard him stumble in. Of course, it wouldn't have mattered if I had been dead asleep, he would have woken me up. The boy was LOUD. He was still on bar volume, and between his cursing, singing, and banging doors, half of L.A. was probably awake by now. I decided to wander out and make sure he didn't destroy the apartment, and make sure Wyatt was out of the line of fire.

"Maybelline!" he yelled as soon as my door opened.

"Shhhhhhh, you're really loud Stephanie. Need help?" He was rummaging through the cabinets, surprise surprise. As long as he didn't try to cook, we'd probably make it out of this alive.

"Movie and fluff? Um, corn. Yeah, that's it. Want some."

"Sit down, I'll make you some popcorn." I turned to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water and handed it to him, then grabbed the popcorn and put it in the microwave. When I turned around, he was sitting on the counter. "I meant the couch, but okaaaaaaaay."

"But you're here. Missed you."

"You did not Fuckhead, I'm sure you had a blast." I said offhanded.

"Still missed you. Would have been better. Don't have to make out when you're in the car." He turned and stared at the microwave. "Turn turn turn pop"

"Sounds like a Miley song."

"Pop it!!!" he sang, then started half dancing on the counter.

"Noooooo, you will hurt yourself. You are TOO damn big to be messing around in here." I took the popcorn out of the microwave and managed to get us into the living room. "Since when is making out with Alex a chore?" I asked, more interested than I should be. Maybe I had misunderstood, or he had misspoken. 

"It's fine, just... whatever. Want to watch a movie?"

"Mommy needs her beauty sleep."

"Mommy is beautiful" he answered, not missing a beat.

I blushed a little and stood, heading towards my room. "Sleep tight" He was such a flirt when he was drunk, and even though we both 'knew' it didn't mean anything, I still enjoyed the compliments. Who wouldn't?

*****

Oh, and while I'm thinking about it, a life lesson: Just because you can squeeze yourself into an item of clothing doesn't mean it fits. Some people.... I just don't.... yeah. Don't do that, K?


	3. March 28

I've finally decided to go for it here, and just be honest. I know I said I would be, and not leave things out, but actually doing it is another thing. Just remember that you asked for it, girl. I'm not sure how far I'll get today, I'm tired.

So, what I told you yesterday was pretty normal. It wasn't every night, but at least once a week he'd be drunk and honest. Then, I didn't know it was honesty, but that's backtracking. Or maybe we haven't gotten there yet? Ready? Good. Moving on....

So this is what happened the night things got blurry, and more difficult. I hated this night, when it happened and for a long time after because it forced me to pull back and reign in my emotions. You know that I'm very particular about who gets to see which parts of me, and not being able to be completely open with Scott after this was really hard for me. 

It's not that he *did* anything, so don't get all huffy. I know how you are. It simply happened, and it's no one's fault. 

Shift change, I'll finish later.

***** ***** *****

We were out, at a bar, with a huge gang of people. I don't remember now who was there, but we were celebrating something, perhaps a birthday but it wasn't Scott's or mine. Might have been Mario's but it doesn't matter. Let's just say that we were both drunk, although his version and mine are slightly different. I was happy, he was about to collapse although he was the life of the party.

"Miiiit" he called, staggering towards me.

I stayed seated, and looked down at my drink before raising my head. "Yeah?"

"Dance with me?"

So Alex had finally pried away from Mr. Endless Energy; poor man was probably exhausted. "Next song?" I offered, hoping he'd find a new partner by then.

He reached down and grabbed my hand. "Please?" He tugged on me gently and I stood.

"Okay, okay" I answered, thrilled with the new song that was playing. He led me over to the dance floor and the first two songs were fine; I was having fun not only dancing but also watching him. The DJ switched over to a slow song and Scott pulled me against his chest.

"Better. I'm tired." he mumbled into my hair. "Hi Melissa."

"How you doing up there Scooter?" I always enjoyed dancing with Scott although it was a bit awkward when he was drunk and got handsy. I couldn't help but notice that he was leaning on me a bit more than he had been just a minute ago. He was getting heavy.

"Can we go home?"

"Absolutely." I'd wanted to go for half an hour, just to minimize his pain tomorrow if nothing else. I took his hand and we said our good-bye's as we weaved our way through the crowd. He got a cab (he's always been good at hailing them, especially if he's reflecting a street light at the time) and we managed to get home in one, well two, pieces.

"I'm going to bed Stringbean" I said, walking towards my door. "Drink some water." I stripped down and wandered into the bathroom to do the usual nightly ritual. I was curled up in bed and half asleep when my door opened.

"Wake up, I wanna sleep."

"That makes no sense Dumbass, just go to bed." I mumbled.

"Okay" he said, then climbed in next to me.

"NO" I said, while scooting over as quickly as possible. "In YOUR bed."

"This ones better. Here. And you. Duh."

"Duh? Fine, you're too smashed to argue with. Just close your eyes and go to sleep. Mommy's tired." 

And that's when I made the mistake of actually going to sleep. I hugged my pillow to my chest and rolled over. 

*****

I'm going to have to finish this tomorrow though, sorry I didn't get further, writing is harder than I thought it would be. Oh, and your life lesson: The small arrow next to the gas pump on your dash tells you which side of the car the tank is on. You're welcome. And yes, I know, I'm brilliant.


	4. March 29

So there I was, asleep. Dead asleep. A vodka-tonic and exhaustion induced coma. And then I was screaming. I couldn't see, I couldn't move, and I was being attacked. It took me a moment to realize that I wasn't being stabbed, only tickled. And not by a murderous villain, but by Scott who finally realized how apeshit scared I was and sat back a moment. "WHAT the fuck? God.... stop..... Please. You SCARED me, you..... you.... you fucktard!" I managed to wheeze out.

"Sorry." He started rubbing my back and I finally relaxed a little bit, waiting for my breathing to return to normal.

"What is wrong with you?" I spat, furious now that I knew I wasn't going to die.

"Can't sleep Miami."

"So go watch fucking TV, don't torture me!"

"More fun to watch you. But you weren't doing much. Now you are." He was grinning, bending a bit and turning his head to the side so that I could see his face.

I was still flat on my stomach, my ass being used as a seat. That smile though.... I just sighed and closed my eyes.

"Don't sleep" he said, his face now only inches from mine. 

I could feel him pressing all along my back, and lower. He cupped his hands down over mine and laced our fingers. I don't think he meant anything by it, but I felt a little trapped, especially when he started tilting his hips. It wasn't a bad thing though, I certainly reacted well to it. "Scott...."

"I missed you. I've been watching you all night."

I glanced at the clock, realizing that his version of 'all night' was less than an hour. "You can see me tomorrow. You should really, really go to your room now."

"Why would I do that? You're here. Can't kiss you in there."

"WHAT? You ca-------" was all I managed before my lips were covered with his. My head was turned awkwardly back but I didn't give a DAMN. My tongue darted out with a mind of it's own and his grip on my hands tightened. 'You can't kiss me in here either' faded into nothing.

I was surrounded, and overwhelmed. He was grinding against me, his arousal obvious. He moved from my mouth to my neck and though I could have taken that moment to voice one of the 14 reasons this needed to stop, my brain couldn't form the words.

"You taste soooo good" he sighed between kisses as he made his way up to just below my ear. "Turn over."

I could feel his breath against my ear and I shuddered. "No, we can't. Scott........ you have to stop, please. You have a boyfriend!" I managed to finally answer. He didn't respond to my plea except by taking ownership of my mouth again. I had tried, right? 

I can't explain how amazing this kiss was. I didn't know where I was, hell I barely knew WHO I was. All I knew were his lips, and his tongue, and his c0ck rubbing against my a$$. A part of me had wanted to kiss him like this for years. YEARS. And now that it was happening, I wanted to enjoy it, no matter how wrong it was.

He released one of my hands and ran his fingers down my side, then snaked it under me to reach for me. "Please. You're all I want" he begged, peppering kisses down my spine.

"But uhhhhhhhhhh" was all I managed as he found me, and wrapped his hand around me. "I........ fuck, we can't. Scott!"

He stilled, but didn't back off. "Why can't I love you?" he asked, waiting for me to push him away finally or give in.

"A million reasons. Go away Scott, please. GO." I held my breath a moment before realizing it and finally inhaled, filling my lungs as he lifted and moved away. I didn't look, but felt the bed shift as he got up.

"Goodnight Mitchie."

A few minutes later I got up and locked my door, then got back into bed and stared at the ceiling for half an hour before finally giving up and grabbing my phone. I also popped a few ibuprofen because my head had started to pound. I told myself over and over that he was too drunk to remember this tomorrow and that I should forget too. The problem was, I didn't think I'd be able to.

*****

The next morning and the few weeks that follow are a story for another day. What sage advice shall I pass along today? People who put others down are just trying to pull themselves up. They're not the kind of people you want to be around, ever. No one who thinks so little of themselves and others has anything to offer you. They're vapid, and suck the life out of everyone they come in contact with.


	5. March 31

Were you expecting a Disney story? For us to wake up the next morning, look into each others eyes and fall deeply and madly in love? If so, I'm sorry. Our story isn't that easy.

The next morning was awful. I remember hiding in my bed trying to decide what to do. My emotions were everywhere and almost all of them were bad. Everything, everything, was turned upside down. We had been friends forEVER honey, almost all of our lives. And we weren't just friends, we were practically married, but without benefits. I knew him, he knew me, and there were no secrets. We'd managed to get through our careers taking off, moving away from home, and growing up without any major pitfalls because we had each other. I can't imagine those years of my life, or any of it, really, without him there.

So finding myself scared to leave my room because I didn't know what I would do, or say, was scary. I bet you know what I did, don't you? Yeah, I made a list. Many of them, as I recall. I think I actually still have the notebook they're written in.

The problem with figuring things out was that I had NO idea how much (if any) Scott would remember. If he blacked out the night, I told myself that everything would be fine. I would 'forget' it happened and I'd make sure it didn't happen again. Right? We were friends, and he had a good thing going with Alex. 

Plus, I can honestly say that I didn't want him that way. I didn't want whatever had happened, or almost happened last night, to get in the way of our amazing friendship. I am NOT saying that I didn't enjoy kissing him, or that I wasn't attracted to him because that would be a LIE. In fact, just how much I had enjoyed it was one of the things driving me crazy that morning. But, a date isn't hard to get. A quick lay, no problem. Even a boyfriend's not exactly difficult to find. There are other cute boys in the world. But a friendship like ours? I'm shaking my head but you can't see it. It meant the world to me. I was still a prisoner of my head when he knocked.

*****

I heard a light knock at my door and jumped up, pulling my covers up over the bed and running my fingers through my hair. I walked over and opened it a bit. "Hey"

"Coffee delivery. Good morning. Pastries on the counter. Fireworks in my head." He said, his face stiff and drawn. Hungover, definitely.

"Thanks" I said quietly, taking the cup from him. "Need anything?" I looked at him, trying to sense if he was uneasy, or had last night on his mind. He didn't seem bothered by anything other than his hangover.

"I need a time machine so I could drink less last night. I see we made it home, thanks."

"No problem. Surprised you made it out to Starbucks." He didn't remember. Thank the heavens. Okay, I could do this. It would be fine, right? I put a smile on my face and felt my stomach drop; since when did I start faking emotions with Scott? It felt wrong, but I thought I'd deal with it later. He wandered towards his room and I sat on my bed, sipping my coffee and trying to make sense of things. 

When my coffee was finished, I was no closer to any sort of answer, so I grabbed a shower and made myself presentable before wandering out to the kitchen to eat. He was sitting on the couch with Alex, who grinned and said 'hello' before turning back to Scott. Alex was definitely the least hungover of any of us, although I'm not so sure my headache was from the liquor last night.

I found myself having to force my eyes away, and to not stare at them. They were a gorgeous couple, and Scott looked blissfully happy with his head in Alex's lap, getting a damn head rub. Man that sounded good right now. I brought my hand up and pinched the bridge of my nose before focusing on the pastries. Ah, Alex had brought them, that made more sense than Scott going out in his condition. He even brought me coffee; that was sweet. Damn he was a nice guy.

So why did Scott keep saying little things that made me think things weren't as serene as they seemed? It wasn't anything outright, and I had ignored comment after comment, but they were piling up in my brain and after last night....

No, no, no, no, no. It didn't matter. Whether or not Scott was with Alex didn't matter. My brain was going in a very unhealthy direction. Must detour back to normalcy. I grabbed a muffin and walked out the door. I had no destination in mind, but I had to clear my head and being away from home seemed the best place to do it.

*****

That seems as good a place as any to stop for the day. Sorry I didn't write yesterday, I'm doing my best. I owe you a lesson, let me see. You can't change anything about a man except his clothes. And if you want to, they're not right for you. You don't have to LOVE everything else, but if you can't accept it, move on.


	6. April 4

Sorry, rough week baby. Things seem better for the time being so let's focus on that. Positive thinking. Okay, so I feel the need to move this along. Let's just say that the next week or two were weird, and it was all me. Scott was oblivious and fine. The next time he went out to get drunk I made a point of staying at Kirstie's for the night. The second time, as I recall, I went out with him but went home with a boy. Very cute, but dumb as a stump. Eventually though, I couldn't avoid Drunk Scott any longer.

*****

"Mmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarbles, I'm home!" he slurred.

I was caught in the kitchen -- I really hadn't expected him home for hours yet. How was he this trashed, this early? "Hey Scoot. Have fun?"

"No! Yes. Oh yeah, I think. But no."

"Alrighty then. Here, drink up" I said, handing him a bottle of water and walking past him towards my room. I felt his hand grip my wrist, surprised he hadn't missed.

"Stay.... please. Movie?" 

It _was_ early, even for me, and sitting apart on the couch seemed fairly safe. Just to make sure, I hedged my bet. "Where's Alex?"

"Don't know. I broke up with him and he left. Or backwards"

I practically swallowed a tonsil. "WHAT? What happened? What are you talking about?"

Scott just chuckled to himself. "You look funny. Pick a movie, gotta piss."

"Did not need to know that, would rather......." but he was gone. I was still standing in the middle of the living room with my mouth hanging open. Was he serious? Maybe they'd just fought. Or Alex had left to go get someone or do something and Scott forgot why........ or............. anything. I decided to not trust anything that came out of his mouth tonight. I'd find out their status once the all-knowing 'light of sober' graced the sky and not a moment before. What was I doing? Oh movie, picking one, okay. I sat down in front of the cabinet but couldn't really read; my eyes couldn't focus on the titles. I gave up and grabbed the remote, turned on the cable and curled up in the corner of the couch.

"Heeeeey you're back. Your backs fine, I mean you're here." he said, walking out of his room half naked.

"I didn't leave. Where are your clothes?" I felt myself get defensive, but I didn't know why. All of a sudden, Scott was a 'person' and I had my shield up.

"Good. Um they smelled like smoke."

"You have others. Here, at least use this" I said, tossing the blanket towards him. What happened next can NOT be described in words. I spent about 5 minutes watching a very drunk 75 inch man trying to cover himself with a 60 inch blanket. Now, a sober person would have curled up a bit but no, he was laid full out and refused to not be covered from chin to toes.

"Hold it on my feet damn it." he finally asked, after doing about 14 sit-ups to pull the blanket back down every time he lay back.

"But its........" I couldn't, I was dying. "It's too short."

"NOooooo I wanna Michelle, help!"

"It doesn't fucking stretch, Stiletto. It's impossible."

"Make it go. I'm sad and want a snuggle!"

"Okay, okay, hold on. What you need, Sir, is a bigger blanket." I stood up and walked into this room to grab his comforter. It was almost a shame to end the fun, but if he really was upset about the possible break-up, I wasn't going there. "Here you go" I warned before dropping it on his head.

"Meanie."

"Fine, fine." I grabbed the bottom and pulled it down over him, covering him up.

"Thanks. But you're still Meanie Mitch."

"That's me. What do you want to watch?" I was flipping through channels before switching over to the cartoon channel to see what was on.

"This's good. Can you get me food? I'm starving."

"I'm not your waiter or your maid. Get it yourself. Kitchen is right behind you." He looked at me with the most pathetic look I've ever seen. His super frown came out and I almost gave in until he took it too far and just ended up looking silly. "There's Chex Mix"

He jumped up, a tangled mess of blankets before almost falling flat on his face. Luckily he caught himself and just fell backwards instead. He finally unwrapped himself and wandered away. I heard the cupboards and things but I ignored it, I was pretty sure he wasn't going to use the stove. "Want anything?" he yelled.

"Water" I answered as he suddenly appeared and handed me the bag of Chex. 

"Open, I'll get more water."

"And a bowl, Stickman!"

"Use bag."

"Ick! Seriously? Fine. Just water." I put the Chex on the table and moved his water back from the edge as he came back and lay down again.

"Blanket please Mop"

I reached out for the edge of the blanket and pulled down, but it was yanked up at the same time and I fell forward, my forearm landing on Scott's thigh. "What the? Seriously? NOT helping." I sat back up as daintily as possible and scooched back to my end of the couch. Scott was laughing the entire time.

"Just come snuggle me, damn it. Almost worked."

"Did that on purpose, did you? Jerk. No, mommy is sitting right here for about 10 more minutes and then going to bed."

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo stay with me! Come on, don't you love me?"

"Not enough to stay awake."

"I'll tell you about Alex." he smirked.

***

So, these lessons are fun, right? Here's your daily dose: Don't try to be someone you aren't, ever. Well, unless it's Halloween. Seriously hon, you are SO enough. Always. You will be tempted at times, but trust me that nothing good ever comes out of losing yourself.


	7. April

He wanted to talk and I was MORE than interested and definitely awake now. I hadn't thought of anything else since he mentioned it. But it *shouldn't* matter, so I pretended it didn't. Mind over matter, or something like that. "If you want to talk, I'll listen. We could do it tomorrow when you're sober though."

"Nah, I'll forget. You gotta remind me tomorrow so I don't call him and do something stupid." He was digging through the chex mix and putting the brown chips on the table.

"And THAT's why I asked you to get a bowl. Nasty."

"I'll clean it, maybe. Relax.

"So what happened?"

"I put bread on the table and you went all diva."

"No, Stupid, with ALEX. And those are chips, not bread."

"Oh. I'm not sure. He said he wanted to break me. Or take me to the beach with his friends? And I said 'no' but he said it was his choice. So I said 'yes' cause that seemed better. So that's that. And it's bread that's super cooked; you're wrong."

"WHAT? That made no sense. Try again."

"Call my mom! It's bread."

"I don't care about the bread Sherlock. Explain Alex."

"No, I'm tired of it. Doesn't matter. He's not mad, I'm not mad, are you mad?"

"Frustrated and confused, but not mad. It does sort of look like bread, now that you mention it."

"So it's all good. Okay. I'm still hungry. Order pizza for me Maddie?"

That was not worth staying up for, obviously. Yet again I got in the wrong check-out lane. Pizza did sound good though.... "Fine" I pulled out my phone and ordered, hoping one of us would still be awake when it got here. While I did that, Scott also pulled out his phone and had Beyonce blaring. "Turn it down."

"Turn down for WHAT???!!!!!" he sang.

"The health of your liver? The vain hope that our neighbors don't bust in here and dangle me from the balcony? Who am I kidding? Nothing, I'm sure. Nothing" I muttered, shaking my head.

"Hells yeah! That's it babe! We should be drinking. I wouldn't let them hurt you though."

"No, no NO. Not happening."

"When did you get so mean?"

When you kissed me like your life depended on it. But I couldn't say that. "Another time, I promise."

"Hey, can we order pizza?"

"Already did Stormdrain, it's on the way."

"Good, I'm hungry. Maybe you're not so bad after all."

"And.... you're welcome? Bastard." I was looking back down at my phone until his finger snaked under my chin to get my attention. "What do you want now?"

He was staring at me so long I thought smoke might come out of his ears. "Doesn't matter what I want." he answered sadly.

"Does to me. Ordered you pizza, didn't I?" I joked. His whole mood had shifted, maybe the break-up was finally sinking in.

He didn't answer, just turned back towards the television. "Why's it have to be complicated?"

"Life generally is. Anything in particular?" I asked, still hiding in my phone. "It's okay to be sad about Alex; you should be."

"I should be?"

"I get it Scottland, it sucks. Cry all you want. We can gorge on icecream and Spongebob tomorrow if you need to, or whatever. You should really try to get some sleep though."

"You don't care?"

"I don't know what you mean. I feel bad for both of you. And I'm sorry. But hey, maybe it'll work out." I tapped away, distracting myself.

"Sorry huh? Are you on Tinder?"

"Mmmhmm. Want to look at cute boys?"

"Already am Mudpie, but nah, I'm good." The doorbell rang and he jumped up. "PIZZA!" He threw open the door, signed MY credit card receipt, and then offered the delivery guy a slice. Several times. I can only hope that he didn't give him a $2,000 tip.

I finally jumped up and thanked the poor guy, then closed the door. I'm sure he'd have a story to tell when he got back to work. "Take it to the table please."

"Wanna eat in your room."

"Nope. Out here, Sassafras."

"You never let me in your room anymore. You suck."

"I don't want it to smell like pizza." And I don't want you getting ideas. Wyatt picked that moment to finally wander out. It's not like we feed him pizza, I'm not sure what the deal is with that crazy feline.

"Wyaaayayayaaat!" He scooped him up and sat him on his lap. "Cuddle me, kitty. Your mommy doesn't like me anymore. Never did, I guess. Don't know."

"I like you just fine, and you know that. But you are wearing on my LAST nerve. Eat your pizza, take the kitty, and go to bed."

"Make me."

"So mature, Stringbean. Goodnight." I cleaned up my mess quickly and decided the rest would have to wait until the morning. I realized that I needed to text Alex tomorrow if Scott didn't remember what had happened. I hoped they would both be alright, whatever the hell had happened and whether it was over or not. Hell, I hoped all three of us would be okay. This time, I made sure my door was locked.

*****

Listen to me now, beautiful, this one's important. Don't be afraid to get dirty and messy for something you want. Fighting for a goal is often hard work. I am NOT saying that there's ever a reason to be mean and nasty though.


	8. April 7

This is the part of the story where we're both single and realize we've loved each other all along and fall into each others arms, right? Wrong. Sit down dear, it's going to be awhile.

***** 

I remember driving myself crazy the next morning, wanting to text Alex. Scott was still asleep long after I had tried every trick I could think of to distract myself. Finally I gave up; holding my tongue has never been my strong suit.

Mitch: Hey, everything okay with you?

Alexus Swift: Guess so. How is he?  
Alexus Swift: Nevermind, I'm sure he's fine.

Mitch: He was wasted last night, and very confusing. What happened?

Alexus Swift: We're taking a break.

Mitch: Oh, okay. Makes more sense than what he said. Sorry to hear that.

Alexus Swift: Is what it is. I'm heading down the coast for a few days.

Mitch: Ah, the beach he was talking about. Um, gonna put my foot in it, but just so I can help him out, was this his idea or yours?

Alexus Swift: His fault, my idea or something like that.

Mitch: K. Have a good time and take care.

Alexus Swift: You too.

And that all meant.......? What? I hate 'breaks', they're stupid. Either you're seeing each other or not. And there are no clear rules or definitions. It usually boils down to the vague concept that you're 'allowed' to see other people, but not really see the person you're 'dating' and then when you get back together, you have to feel guilty about the people you were 'allowed' to see. It's limbo land. At least it wasn't me.

So, he'd said that it was Scott's fault but his idea, so that meant he *thought* Scott wanted a break? Maybe he said something stupid; *that* would not surprise me. It was probably a misunderstanding that would be cleared up the next time they saw each other. The question was whether Scott would remember it once he finally got out of bed, and how the heck I was supposed to remind him.

And *THIS* is why I was enjoying being single. I did NOT want to deal with drama. Granted, Scott having Alex around whenever he came home was convenient and all, but I wasn't exactly being a monk. Speaking of which, it was Saturday and I wanted to go out, but I needed to see how Scott would be, first. I wasn't going to leave him alone tonight if he was a mess. I heard the shower running and got comfy on the couch to wait for his appearance.

"Hey Moira" he whispered, walking past me and into the kitchen.

"Morning Spatula" I answered quietly. "Need anything?"

"Percoset? Vicodin? Something to induce a coma? 

I got up and walked into the kitchen. "Sit down" I grabbed him some water and a few Advil, and placed them in front of him. "How's your stomach?"

"Actually not bad. I could eat. But talking hurts. So does breathing, and blinking, and generally being alive. Why do I do this to myself?"

"Drinking away your pain, I guess. A headache is better than a heartache." I had to bring it up somehow, but honestly considered not telling him until tomorrow. He had asked me last night to remind him though, so I did.

"Oh yeah, shit. We broke up, right?" He was cradling his head in one hand, pushing his hair out of his face. "What a night."

I whipped the toast out and put it down in front of him. "Apparently. Taking a break, I think. You okay?"

"I don't know yet. I'll tell you later."

"That's fair." It was cutting into my social life, but it was fair. He came first, he'd do the same for me. But how was he not a mess? Maybe his head hurt too much for him to realize, or maybe the 'break' wasn't as much of one as it seemed. "You going to veg awhile? Want me here or ???"

"Have a date? Plans?"

"No. Well, kind of. Maybe tonight. Depends on you, Stork."

"Go out, it's fine. I'm staying here today, I think. Maybe I'll go back to bed for awhile and wait for the pills to kick in."

The look on his face didn't match his words, but he was also very hungover so reading his facial expressions wasn't exactly as accurate as usual. "Why don't we figure it out later? You get some rest and I'm going to get a few things accomplished, now that I know you're alive. I'll bring back food, when I come. Want the usual hangover fix?"

"Yeah, that would be good. But you can go out later, it's fine. Just feed me first."

"Hungry girl. Call me if you need me, or anything else. And try not to worry too much. Things will work out." I walked with him into his room, kicking clothes out of the way to make a path. Once he was in bed I covered him up, and turned off the light. "Sweet dreams, hope you feel better."

"Thanks Mary."

I got my things together, the whole time telling myself that somehow, this would all make sense eventually. I also said about 3 prayers that he wouldn't decide to drown all this pain in more alcohol tonight. I didn't plan on them being answered though, and I was right.

*****

That night is a long story, and it'll wait for tomorrow. What wisdom can I send your way today? There are a LOT of people attending the show that is your life. Where they sit, though, is up to you. Be careful who you give first row tickets to -- some people need to sit up in the balcony.


	9. April 8

Their break lasted 5 days. Five days of Scott being relatively fine with the whole thing and us tiptoeing around their relationship as if it were a bomb. He asked what he should do and I stayed out of it as much as I could. I knew he'd probably end up going back and I didn't want to burn bridges.

That night though, that first night, was a mess.

*****

When I got home that evening, Scott was curled up on the couch with a bottle and a kitten. I came in with the food and handed him the Happy Meal box.

"Thank you. This smells good."

"Feeling better?" I asked, walking around and putting various purchases away.

"Yep, and this will seal the deal. All good here. So who's the date? Anyone special?"

"Hopefully not as special as the last guy. Sorry, that was rude, although it was true. Um, a friend of Korey's -- do you know Steve?"

"I know *OF* Steve, yes. And I've seen him around. Don't think we've talked though, at least not sober."

"Know *OF* him? Something I should know Sparticus?"

He popped a fry in his mouth and chewed slowly, thinking. I knew this meant he was trying to figure out how to be polite. He didn't bother most of the time, so the truth must be pretty bad. "He, well, I don't think he ever stays for breakfast, if you get my drift."

"In and out, huh? Got it. I won't get all attached and googly-eyed then." I sat down on the couch, stealing one of his fries.

"Yeah, but, just don't, okay? Not worth it. He's kind of a jerk about it."

"Explain. He's too hot to cancel on without a damn good reason." I wasn't all that set on going out, honestly. Scott was day 1 post break-up and I would gladly sit on this couch all night if he needed me to. I wasn't going to give up the opportunity to mess with him and get the scoop, though.

"I just remember Brian being upset because they hooked-up and Steve completely ignored him the next time they saw each other. Didn't even say 'hi'. Kinda douchebagish. You deserve better."

"I deserve the best, obviously."

He swatted my hand away when I reached for one of the last fries. "Get your own Munchie."

"As I recall, I got this one, thankyouverymuch." I got up and threw away the trash, and got myself a glass. "Willing to share the wine?"

"With you, always." He poured me a glass and refilled his. 

"So did you start with wine, or?"

"Did a couple of shots first. Did you see the picture Alex posted?"

"No. Do I need to kill him? This is going to be a busy night."

"No, no, he just looks good. He's laying on the towel I got him. Why would he use that towel?"

"I think you're officially overthinking things Sandman. It's a towel, he's on the beach. Don't worry about it." I curled my feet up on the couch and Scott reached down and took them, letting me stretch out onto his lap. I wiggled my toes, silently asking for a foot rub.

"Is that a hint?" he asked, smirking.

"I did bring you Mickey D's."

"I'll do it if you stay with me tonight Mushroom."

"Deal." I grabbed my phone and sent a message to Steve, apologizing for the last minute ditch.

"You never rub my feet though" he complained.

"That's because yours STINK, and you have a boyfriend. Your nasty feet are his job." As soon as I said it, I grimaced. "Sorry."

"He never rubbed my feet either, but it's fine. Don't worry about it."

I distracted myself by grabbing the remote and looking for a movie to rent. "Your choice."

"Horns? I....... what is that?" he asked, pointing at the cover.

"I don't know, but it's Harry Potter so I'm in." I started the movie, then got up to take a bathroom break and get snacks. When I sat back down we sat side-by-side, sharing a blanket; just like usual. Halfway through the movie I started to doze off, the little bit of sleep I got last night finally catching up with me. I woke up with us laying on the couch, me snuggled up against Scott's chest. 

He gasped and closed his eyes, holding me closer. "Don't look, it's scary."

I needed to get up, but I was warm, and tired, and comfortable. "Okay." I looked down at the floor, our empty wine bottle now sharing space with a bottle holding remnants of something alcoholic, red and most likely fruity.

"It's safe, you can look." He didn't drop his arms from around me though.

"How did I end up here? I should get up."

"I went to take a pee break and came back and you had stolen the couch. I didn't want to wake you up so I just got in with you. You're comfy, don't go" His words were soft and lazy with liquor and his hand reached up to brush the hair out of my eyes. "Better. Now I can see you."

"I really need to get up Scott." I moved my leg over, trying to find some leverage but he trapped it underneath his.

"Stay. At least until the movie is over, okay?"

"Just don't start anything, alright?"

"What does that mean Michelle?"

"Nothing."

"It's not nothing. Start what? Ah, I see." He moved his leg a bit, rubbing against my now obvious problem. "I'm not starting it, dear, but I can finish it if you want." He grinned at me, chuckling as I turned a shade of red not normally seen in humans. "You did cancel your date for me, or should I say your one night stand? It's the least I can do"

"Not nice. Let me go." I got both hands on the couch to the sides of his shoulders and raised up enough to shift my hips and try to get my legs on the floor.

He had other ideas though and grabbed my waist as I hovered above him. "Sorry. Not sorry. Let me help." He pulled me down against him and I felt him press against me. "Help me forget about him."

"FUCK YOU!" I pushed back with all my strength and fell backwards, scrambling to get to my feet. 

"What the hell are you so pissed about?" he asked, sitting up. 

"And you think Steve's not good enough for me?" What did he think it would do to me when HE ignored me tomorrow? I fled to the safety of my room and locked the door behind me.

*****

I wasn't sure I'd make it through that, dear, it was long and hard to think about. I remember being in my room that night, hating myself and him and the world and everything else I could think of. I think the worst part was that he wouldn't remember any of it and I had no one to talk to about it. I couldn't break his trust by going to anyone else, and it wasn't like I could bring it up tomorrow and have it out with him. I felt very alone with the crazy situation.

And now for some more sage advice for you; let me think. Some day you'll thank me for these. Attitude is everything when it comes to clothes. Wear what makes you happy and comfortable in your skin. Nothing else matters. If you feel good in it, you'll look good in it.


	10. April 11

I was pretty much the world's biggest bitch the next few days. I was distant and snappy and just generally moody and I felt horrible about it. He was going through a break-up and I was.... I don't know. The first day I think he figured I was just having a bad day. By day 3 he KNEW it was him, but I refused to talk about it. 

Looking back on it, I pushed him right back into Alex's arms. His very buff, very long, very welcoming arms. All I felt when they got back together was relief though, honestly. I figured that now Scott would stop badgering me and hanging around the house so much and I could just.... maybe take some time, take a few steps back, and get some perspective.

It worked. It worked just long enough for me to convince myself that nothing had happened and to let my guard down. Just well enough for me to convince myself that everything was going to be okay.

Everyone is wrong at some point.

I'm going to stop here for now and write the infamous last page. When you're finished reading this story, whether I'm able to finish it or not, flip to the back and read the last page. I have to write it now, to make sure it gets done. Don't forget, okay?

It's been a really hard day, and I'm not sure I'm up for advice that isn't horribly depressing. Oh well, it's true even if it's not happy. My best advice is to never say never, and especially when judging someone. You do NOT know what you will do if you haven't walked a mile in their shoes. Let people be, and give them the benefit of the doubt. That wasn't too sad, right?


	11. April 14

Okay love, skip along with me. Alex and Scott had been back together for three or four months although we'd been away on tour for a lot of that time. Things had settled down between the two of us and although I was still stand-offish when I was alone with Drunk Scott, our relationship had survived the weirdness and we had moved on. He hadn't been as handsy or forward, and things were as normal as they ever were with us two freaks.

One rainy night were were in a bar, a crowd of us hanging out for hours on end, playing bad pool and dancing like fools. I was being picked up by a very, very hot boy and was pretty damn happy about it.

***** 

"Mitch!" I turned away from Jay as I heard Scott call my name. I looked around a moment, trying to find him in the crowd but he appeared right next to me, putting his hand on my shoulder and turning me to face him.

"Yes?" I answered.

He leaned in. "Don't go home with him."

"Why?" I turned away from him as much as possible, but I was well aware that Jay could most likely hear us. I didn't have an option, really.

"Said so."

"Go away Skirt, go buy your boyfriend a drink. I'll see you tomorrow."

And that's when he got belligerent. I had underestimated his intoxication level. He dropped all pretense of trying to not yell loud enough for the entire bar to hear. "No. You belong with me."

You could have heard a pin drop. The music still played but not a single one of our group made a sound. "I LIVE with you, yes. I have a key. I'm well aware of where my bed is." I smiled to diffuse the tension and prayed that I had pulled it off, had managed to redirect his statement.

"I have a keys too. No. Alex has them. But they're mine. But no. I don't LIKE him!" he bellowed, pointing at Jay.

"Well I do, and that's all that matters, Screendoor." Alex had made his way closer and was looking straight at me, as if he was trying to read my mind. It was unnerving. "You'll get him home, right?" I asked him.

"Yeah, of course. Have fun you two." Alex grinned a cheeky smile as fake as mine and came to stand between Scott and I.

I took a deep breathe and a few steps towards Jay who seemed to have found the entire scene amusing. I was glad, because hook-ups had been sidetracked for much less. "So, are you ready to get out of here?" I asked him.

He had just answered in the affirmative and we had turned towards the door when I was stopped in my tracks by Scott's booming voice. "Because I don't LOVE YOU!"

My mouth dropped open and my head spun around, praying the quickest prayer ever that he wasn't talking to Alex. Unfortunately, that prayer wasn't answered. I watched Alex turn white as a sheet but gentleman that he was, Alex simply walked past me and dropped Scott's keys into my hand before walking out the door.

My eyes went to Jay, whose face matched almost everyone else's in the room and then to Scott, who looked like he finally realized the magnitude of what had just happened.

"Shit" he said before taking a breath and muttering 'shit shit shit shit shit shit' over and over. Finally Tyler came over and grabbed his arms, trying to calm him down. I heard him offer to call him a cab and I walked over.

"I'll take him home, it's fine."

"But you have *ahem* plans" Tyler said, clearing his throat in Jay's direction.

"Not anymore, I guess. It's fine."

"If you say so honey, but I can make sure he gets home. This is not your problem, is it?" he asked.

I wanted SO in that moment to let Tyler handle him and not have to deal with this tonight but I just couldn't. Scott was *always* my problem, and I wouldn't have it any other way. "You're amazing, but it's all good. He's a little bit of a handful tonight."

"You can say that again" he laughed, then gave me a quick look to make sure I didn't want to change my mind. "Okay, call me if you need anything." he answered, then went back to his boyfriend.

I turned to Jay and apologized but he took it well. He assured me that we would see each other again, and I was looking forward to it. He seemed like a nice guy and he was SO my type. And then I sighed, rolled my eyes at Scott, and walked him out of the bar and got him home. It wasn't until later that I realized I didn't have Jay's number.

*****

So now you know the story of how Scott and Alex broke up. It was fairly ugly but it was one of those things that had to happen eventually. And here's your advice for the day: Don't put off getting out of a bad relationship. You should never, ever be afraid to be alone. If you are, you need to reexamine and sort out your relationship with yourself.


	12. April 15

Don't go sneaking off and read the last page yet. I just realized that telling you about it might make it hard for you, the girl who has NO self-control. You come by it honest, I can't lie. But don't. Promise me you won't flip ahead, okay?

I had to flip back and find out where we were, and I left you the night of the final break-up. I know that it may seem from the parts I've written that he didn't care about Alex at all, but that's not true. They had fun together, but it was always more of a friendship for Scott than a relationship. Of course I didn't know it at the time, but looking back on it, all the little snippets he'd let slip while drunk suddenly made a lot more sense.

So, I turned down a beautiful man to take that drunk ass home. I don't think I've ever had an easier time getting him home after drinking though. He was quiet, and did whatever I asked without even talking back about it. Yeah, I know, hard to imagine. He didn't say much until we were home on the couch, nursing some water.

*****

"I was mean, wasn't I?"

"Yeah. You owe him an apology." I still didn't understand why Alex hadn't thrown something at him.

"He's..... I'm so sorry."

"Don't tell me, tell him." I finished my bottle and got up to toss it in the recycling bucket.

"Do you hate me?" His tone would have been enough to stop me in my tracks, even without the horrible look on his face.

I walked back over and sat on the couch next to him and put my hand on his shoulder. "Never."

I wasn't prepared for the tears. I reached up and wiped the first one away but they kept coming. "It's my fault. I shouldn't have gone back. We should have been done months ago. I just......." He grabbed the tissues and blew his nose, then looked down at the pillow in his lap for a few moments before finishing. "I didn't want to be alone and he cared so much."

"I just don't understand what happened. What did he say to make you yell that out?" I asked.

"He said not to worry about what you do, that it only mattered who he went home with. Or something like that Marbles. I don't know."

"Ouch. You owe him a HUGE apology then. He was right though. Why do you care who I see?" This certainly wasn't the first time he'd tried to stop me from dating, but he usually just made jokes and tried to guilt me into not going out. 

"They're not good enough. I told you." He waved his hand dismissively, as if I should know that already and I guess he had said that several times. It was really getting out of hand though.

"You need to let me decide that, okay? You're not the boss of me." I said lightheartedly, hoping to get my point across without making him any sadder than he already was. "Feel free to try to set me up with someone you approve of though, I'll consider it."

"Not your type."

"Who?"

"The guy you should be with."

"Story of my life Sailboat." I leaned back against the pillows and closed my eyes a moment, suddenly realizing how tired I was. I had to get him to bed first though, it made things much simpler. "Time for bed. Want me to tuck you in?"

"Not tired. I'm going to watch a movie and drink until I pass out." He got up and walked into the kitchen.

"Not going to help things, you'll just feel like hell in the morning."

He grabbed a bottle of wine and brought it back to the couch. "Move, I'm stretching out." He fluffed the pillow and lay down. "Gonna tuck me in?"

"I can't leave you here, like this."

"Course you can. You don't owe me anything, remember? I'm not supposed to care about you. Just go to bed."

"What are you talking about? You're my best friend and I love you madly bae."

"No you don't. Go away." He had pulled the blanket up over his head and was hiding quite well, considering his ginormousness. "Just go."

"Maybe I already did."

"Nuh uh."

"Sure I did, then I came back. So there." I sat on the floor far enough to be out of striking distance of errant limbs, but close enough that he would know I was nearby. I know it's mean, but I consider fucking with him as a sort of payment for putting up with him and getting him home safe. 

"Oh. Well go again. I want to be miserable alone. Hate my bed."

"Your bed? Your head is an odd place. Since when?"

"It's lonely."

"Then you should keep it company Scottland."

"Wait... what?" He finally pulled the blanket down and looked at my grinning face. He flared his nostrils and tried to look angry before retreating behind his barricade again. "You suck."

"No, actually, there is none of that tonight, thanks to you."

He stood quickly, glaring down at me with a nasty enough expression on his face that I was actually a little scared for a second. "FINE. CALL him! See if I care!" He crossed the living room amazingly fast and slammed his door behind him.

*****

I can imagine your face right now, your indignation. HOW the hell did I not see it? Am I right? Yeah, well trust me, it wasn't nearly as obvious when it was all actually happening. Putting everything together like this, and only these parts makes it seem much easier than it actually was.

Okay, life lesson of the day: Naked pics are NEVER, EVER private. Just don't. EVER!!! Do I need to talk about movies?


	13. April 17

I stood staring at the closed door, absolutely clueless. I had no idea why he was so damn mad, or if he was even mad at all or just sad about Alex, or about something I had said? Unfortunately, it mattered. If he was just pissed off, I was going to bed. If he was about to have a mental breakdown, I had to make sure he was okay.

I sat down on the couch and checked the time, telling myself that I'd give him twenty minutes. If he was angry, he'd probably come back out to get a snack or watch T.V. because he wouldn't be able to sleep. If he started sobbing, I'd go in and comfort him. I was hoping for silence, or even the soft snores that sometimes came out of his mouth when he'd had too much to drink.

Thirteen minutes later he came out, but he didn't look mad. He stopped as soon as he saw me and stared a moment, then looked away and walked back towards his room.

"Stacy? Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Just fucking great. How are YOU, Meatloaf? Nice weather today, huh?" he answered without turning around. 

I watched him take another step. "Wait, please?" I didn't know what to say, or what was going on, but he was hurting and I wanted to help, somehow.

He leaned against his door frame but he didn't seem sloppy drunk, just tired. "What do you want?" he asked softly.

"I want you to be okay. Are you? Can I help?"

"I think I should just sleep. I don't have the energy or fucking fortitude to do THIS tonight." He waved his arm around haphazardly when he said 'this' but I wasn't sure what he meant.

"Sorry. You're right, maybe it'll be better in the morning." I felt bad about teasing him earlier, although I had been trying to help. He was much more upset than I had thought he would be, and I told myself that I had misjudged how much the break-up would bother him.

"Will you sleep with me?"

"No Skreech, I can't." My mind went back to the night months ago during their 'break.' There was no way I could trust a lonely, scared Scott.

"Why not?" He finally turned and looked at me, trying to read my expressions. "You used to, when I needed you. Can I sleep on the floor in your room?"

"Why would you do that when you have an amazing bed? You'll feel much better in the morning if you get some rest." I was avoiding the question, but I couldn't tell him the truth. I knew he probably wouldn't remember this in the morning but I didn't want to risk it -- he seemed fairly sober at the moment. He walked past me and picked up the bottle of wine he had left at the couch and chugged a good bit of it. "Classy."

"Only comfort I'm getting tonight, Moonshine."

"I wish I could help" I offered.

He stopped in front of me, the bottle hanging in one hand. "Do you mean that?"

He was so close that I had to tilt my head up to look him in the eye and answer him. "Of course. What can I do?" When his lips met mine I pulled back but his free hand was wrapped behind my neck. I put both of my hands up to his chest and pushed with all my might.

"What?" he asked, regaining his balance. "Mitch, please."

"NO! Do you hear me? NO. I am not 1-800-CallAWhoreCauseIBrokeupWithMyBoyfriendAndI'mLonely!"

"What? I don't. NO." He was shaking his head back and forth, a frown on his face.

"I can't do this any more, okay?"

"I'm sorry. I...... yeah. Okay. Got it. It's so easy to forget, Mitch. I'm sorry." He walked into his room, closing his door gently behind him.

I stood there a few more minutes, angry and sad and not knowing whether to kick down his door and throw things or have a good cry. I finally ended up in my bed and had a rather rough night. The next morning I awoke to the smell of coffee.

*****

I remember that next day, feeling like I'd hit breaking point and not knowing what to do. Luckily I didn't have long to wait until the day that changed everything. They told me today that I'd better finish this up soon, so I'll do my best. 

What sage wisdom do I have to pass along today? Days are long but years are short. They're dependent but not linked.


	14. April 18

A few weeks later I got a call from Tyler, asking me to come and collect a very, very drunk Scott from the club. Seriously, too drunk to use Uber? This did not sound good. When I arrived, the two of them were standing outside, waiting for me.

"Are you SURE you can get him?" Tyler asked me for the third time.

"Yes, I've done this before, you know." I joked. Part of me was worried too, because Scott was currently having a hard time even getting IN the car and I didn't expect a vast improvement by the time we got home. For a second I really considered leaving and passing the lug off to Tyler but I had said I would handle it, so I would.

"I got him" Scott slurred, staring at Tyler. The look on his face had Tyler and I both cracking up because he was dead serious.

"Okay Scott, if you're sure. Get him home safe, alrighty?" Tyler said, then shot me a wink and headed back to the club.

"Get in Sasquatch, let's go." Once he managed to fold his limbs into the car and get his seat belt on, I headed home. Scott was blissfully quiet for the first half of the ride, but it was too good to last.

"How do the make signs?" he asked. "The glowy, uh, neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee noooon? Neon!"

"Um, it's a gas, right? I guess they just shoot it in those tubes."

"But where does it commmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmme from? Huh? How do you get a gas? I bet it smells. Gas usually does." 

He cracked himself up, and I just knew the fart jokes were coming. "Maybe they buy it at the pump?" I looked at the gas gauge and sighed, it was a LOT closer to E than I'd like, but I didn't want him near flammables, either. "Honestly, I have no idea. Why don't you google it tomorrow?"

"Yeah. Okay. What?"

If I ignore that, he'll forget he said it, right? I kept my eyes on the road and for a few moments I thought I had escaped. He started humming under his breath but I couldn't quite place the song.

"WHAAAAT Mitch? What?"

"I don't know what you're talking about Sandwich. Close your eyes and I'll wake you up when we get home."

"I'm literally STARVING!"

Oh shit, now I'd done it. Damn nicknames. "We have food at home."

"NO!" He swung his arm and torso around towards the back of the car, practically knocking me out in the process. "McDonalds. I want."

Bad idea, bad idea. "Drive thru ONLY drunk-ass." I pulled a u-turn without killing anyone and pulled into the lot.

"Gotta piss."

"No, no, no. Please tell me you don't." I parked reluctantly and threatened him with death if he didn't remain silent.

"You come with me?" he asked, as I held onto his elbow and steered him towards the bathroom door.

"Yes, yes, just be quiet and WALK" I hissed under my breath. This is the sort of shit that ends up on TMZ and I was NOT looking my best by this hour of the night. I sighed in relief as I finally closed the door behind us and Mr. Wasted headed over to do his thing. "Okay, we're going to the car and then I'll get you something in the drive-thru." Drunk Scott at home in private is fun. In the real world, not so much. I turned and opened the door with one hand, the other pulling Sailboat behind me, and ran into a wall of man. I immediately tried to back up, but Scott had walked right up behind me.

"Hello again Mitch"

I raised my head and looked at Jay, then unconciously licked my lips. "Hi. Sorry, not a good time, he's uh.... well."

"Hey Scott" he answered, grinning as he took in Scott's state of intoxication. "Getting something to eat?"

"I could literally eat 3 combos. Or a number 3. What's a 3? I don't know. Yeah. Hungry" he answered, without backing up.

"Look, I hate to break up the party here, but a three-way in a McDonalds bathroom is not EXACTLY what I had planned for tonight. Will one of you MOVE???!!!" I tried to move to my right but Scott did as well. Finally Jay took a step back, laughing. He caught my arm as I walked by and whispered into my ear.

"Call me later if tonight doesn't go as well as you're hoping."

I smiled up at him even though I knew I was going to be busy all night and walked away, still gripping Scott's hand to pull him along. Jay was hot, and seemed really sweet, and did I mention the hot? It is a LOT of hot. He seemed to think I had plans for Scott later and I couldn't blame him too much after he saw the whole Alex thing at the bar. We're friends though, just friends. Trust me.

As we walked past the counter Scott stopped and I had no choice but to stop as well. It's not like I can pull him if he doesn't want to go. "Fine, what do you want?" I asked, turning to face him. He stood there, staring at me, as if I had asked him the square root of 529. "Burger or chicken?" Again, a face of silence. He turned and stared at the menu for about 14 minutes. "Seriously, can we go home now?"

"Why you so hurry? Relax Mitch... Match.... Mutch. Relax Mutch? Hurry Much? Oh shit. Oh god. It's the best thing ever!"

His eyes lit up like Christmas and I lost it. It was funny, I give him that, but knowing how funny he thought it was with beer goggles on was cracking me up more than the joke. I put a fake-serious look on my face and said "I didn't like it Mutch." 

It took him a minute, but then he got it and right at that moment I realized that I should NOT HAVE ENCOURAGED HIM. He sunk down and sat down on the floor, in the middle of McDonald's, laughing his ass off. He turned pink, then red, and then fell over on his side. 

I walked up to the register where all 3 employees were staring at us, probably deciding whether or not to call the cops. "A number 3 to go please?" I asked, and broke the staring contest. "Okay Scottland, time to get up." I grabbed the bag and turned. "Scott, I have food and I'm leaving. If you're hungry, you have to get up."

*****

Tomorrow I'll tell you all about the one and ONLY time I ever ran out of gas. And here's your related wisdom: Fill up at 1/4 tank. Don't be lazy. It is SO not worth it!


	15. April 19

Hey sweetheart. I've promised myself I'll write every day but this isn't a good one so it may be short. I have about an hour until the next visit so I'll do as much as I can. Speaking of visits, I'm glad you're home. I know it's inconvenient and I'm not able to do as much as I'd like while you're here, but it means a lot to me. Thank you.

Ah yes, the ride home....

*****

Luckily the fries kept him distracted for the next 20 minutes. I didn't bother trying to listen to the story he was making up, but at least one of the fries was mounted on his knee the whole way time. Maybe he was in charge? There were two short ones also involved somehow. No clue. 

The whole ride was going perfectly well until the car started making horrible noises and puttered out on the side of the road.

"FUCK" I yelled and banged my palms against the steering wheel.

"Why we stopping? Where we going?"

"Nowhere. We're out of gas. I knew I should have stopped. Damn it."

"You did stop. Is okay. You call and get gas. I'll wait."

"Helpful. Okay, sit tight." I quickly grabbed my roadside card and gave them a call. They kindly informed me that they could send a tow truck to take me to a gas station within the next two hours, but couldn't just bring me gas. Okay, plan two..... Uber? I really did not want to leave my car here if I didn't have to. Plan three... nearest gas station is..... 800 yards? Thank you GPS. I can walk 800 yards, but Scott maybe not so much. "Okay Scott, you need to STAY HERE." I grabbed his shoulders, turning him towards me for emphasis. "Do NOT leave the car."

"Okay."

I breathed a sigh of relief and got out, turning in the direction my phone told would lead me to smelly salvation.

"Where we going?" Scott asked, scaring me senseless.

"It is LATE. AND DARK. Do NOT sneak up on me! You are supposed to stay in the CAR!"

"Why? I can help. Don't leave me."

"Fine. At least you got some food into you. Follow me, please?" I closed his door and then took his hand and walked as quickly as I thought he could manage down the street. As soon as we turned the corner I could see the station, although it looked more than a little scary. I was glad Scott had come with me, afterall, when I walked in and saw the sketchy old guy behind the counter. I was even more glad when I made him carry the gas can back.

"Can we go out?" he asked while I poured the gas into the tank.

"We, my dear, are going home. What do I do with this nasty can? It smells."

"I fix it." Scott reached out and grabbed it from my hand, then hurled it across the parking lot.

A second later, a car alarm went off. "Oh my GOD! Get in the CAR!" I turned the key, cheering when the engine came to life. "Okay, homeward bound."

"Hey, I don't wanna go home. It's errrrrly" he said, finally staggering through the front door.

"Too bad Stringbean, it's late enough for me." Finally the door was locked behind me and I think the chain was a bit beyond his capabilities tonight. "You're done. Drink this." I handed him a bottle of water and dashed into my room to get into some sweats. When I came back to check on him and get him into bed, he was staring at his phone. "No, no drunk dialing. Nooooooo. Put it away dear."

"But...... you know that guy?" 

He looked at me as if I should know who he was talking about. "I can only read your mind when you're sober." God his drunk voice was cute. So damn cute.

"Mitch?"

I know my eyes rolled, I could feel it. But damn. "Yes?"

"I'm tired."

"Yeah, no shit. You should go to bed." I tried turning him towards his room and giving him a little push but he just turned and looked at me.

"Don't call him Mitchie. You need better."

"We are NOT doing this again. Fine. Not calling anyone. Got it. Now go to bed." He seemed satisfied with my answer until I opened my big mouth once he was sitting on his bed. "I give up. Who?"

"Bathroom Magic Mike."

My mouth opened but nothing came out. My mind finally turned his slurs into words and then went from 'bathroom' to 'magic mike' to 'what the fuck?' and finally............. 'Jay'. "Honey, whether I call Jay or not is none of your business. Get some sleep." He didn't answer, just finally shrugged out of his pants and walked towards the bathroom. I sat on the bed and waited for him to return so I could make sure he actually landed IN the bed for the night. 

After a moment I pulled out my phone and looked through my contacts list, realizing I STILL didn't have Jay's number. I reached down and dug through Scott's pocket and found his, and was busy transferring the number when he landed on the bed next to me. "One sec."

"Give me. What you doing? Won't work. I'm good." He reached out and I closed it quickly before handing it back. 

"Nothing. Lay down. Time for sleepies Mr. Hoying."

"Marbles?"

"Yes Jenna?" I watched the wheels turn. His mouth was making half words and his eyes were rolling around.

"Do we have Jenga?"

Not what I expected. "No."

"But we have cards, right Mutch?"

"I belieeeeeeeeeeeeeve so." This could not be going anywhere good. "But I don't know where they are. You can look tomorrow." There, saved myself.

"I know!" He jumped up and headed for the living room.

There was nothing to do but make a mad dash for my room and shut the door. Hopefully he would forget what he was doing and stumble onto the couch or his bed. I was DONE.

"Mitch? Where are you?"

No, no, no. I held my breath, heard his unsteady footsteps coming closer and realized that I hadn't locked the door.

"I miss you. Mulan??" He turned the knob to my bedroom and walked in, a huge grin on his face. "Found them!!!"

*****

So much more to this night, but my time is up. Such a good distraction though, keeps my mind off things until it's time. I owe you advice but I don't have any today. Write some of yours down here, for me.


	16. April 20

Just had some pain meds so this may not make sense at the end. They're taking good care of me, so don't worry.

***** 

He was standing in the doorway but didn't come any further. "Are you going to puke? Go away!"

"No. What if birds aren't singing? Maybe they screaming because they're afraid of heights."

"I'm sure that's it." I don't think I hid my 'what the fuck' face very well.

"Why you so mean to me?"

My smile sunk to the middle of my chest. "I don't know what you're talking about Starlight."

"Always seems. I don't know. Is it because I'm drunk? I mean do I think because I'm drunk? I know its when I'm drunk but is it?" He stood there as if his words made perfect sense. 

I was struggling. "Do you mean, do you just think I'm being mean or am I actually?"

He had the nerve to try to roll his eyes at me. "Yeah. I said that. Why?"

I turned my head, pulled my lip from between my teeth and muttered "Defense mechanism" Let him try to figure that one out, sloshed as he was.

"Want to play cards?" He sat on the end of my bed, crossed his legs and started throwing cards into random piles.

"Sure. What are we playing?" I would have done ANYTHING right then other than talk. This whole conversation had gotten way too close to the truth, and I wasn't prepared to go there. I had long ago given up trying to lie to Scott. He would let me get away with 'I don't want to talk about it' or 'Can we drop it' usually, but if I lied he hated it and never let it go. Of course that never worked when he was drinking.

Hopefully we would mess around with some cards and he would get bored and go to sleep. I had tried going to sleep first, once. Once, months ago. Never again. I hadn't forgotten waking up on my stomach with a very aroused Scott pressed against m. Even though I knew he was drunk and didn't mean anything by it, the words and kisses that followed had made things difficult between us for weeks. Of course he hadn't remembered, I was the one who paid the price. So yeah, I pushed him away when he was like this. I had to.

"Your turn. Play fish. Do you have a 5?"

I grabbed a random pile of cards near my knee and picked them up. I don't think we even had the same number of cards, but it really didn't matter. "That's not how 'my turn' works, but no, go fish."

"Do I go til I get one or take one?'

"Which way would end this game faster?" I smirked.

"I take, um, these." He grabbed a few and put them in his hand. Two of his cards were now facing me and I tilted my head to the side, wondering if he would notice. "Okay my turn, right Melissa? Um, do you have a J?"

"Mmmmmmmm Jay... oh, jacks. No, no jacks. No jack, no Jay. Just you, dork."

"Huh?"

"Close your mouth and go fish, silly boy."

"Jay's a player. He just wants you cause you're cute."

"Some of us aren't as opposed to hook-ups as you are. I know what he wants and it's fine with me." I looked at the 3 facing me. "Have any three's?"

He stared at his cards for about 2 solid minutes. "Nope. Haha, no. You get cards now!"

I reached out and plucked the three from his hand, turning it around to face him. "I got a 3 so I get to go again."

"Huh? What? No." He put his cards down on the bed, face up. "Not playing if you cheat."

"I'm not cheating Screwball, you're just too drunk to play. Why don't you go to bed? I'm tired."

"Why you don't have a boyfriend? It's been a long time Myra. I want you happy. You're my best.... everything. My everything and you're not happy."

"I'm perfectly happy, I'm just exhausted." I saw Scott's eyes change, saw the shift and tried to reel him back. Sad, pensive drunk Scott was NOT a good one. "You're sweet, really, but I'm good. Promise."

"I love you Mitchie."

"I love you too Scottland." 

"Then why push me away?"

I sighed, fighting down the urge to confess. "Go to bed honey, we can talk in the morning." It was my ace of diamonds, my safety valve. He never remembered the next morning, and even if he did, he'd never push it when he was sober.

"I just want you t'be happy. Can I stay here? We can snuggle. I like tour cause I get to sleep in your room. I miss you."

"I only have one bed, although I'm not surprised you're seeing double."

"No, it's queen, like you Miranda."

I chuckled, I couldn't help it. "Yes, it is."

"Room for me I bet. I'll be small. Pleeeeeeeeeeeze?"

"You really think I don't know you better than that? You get even BIGGER when you sleep. You're a freak of nature."

"Are you talking about my cock?" He pulled the waist of his boxers out and looked down. "Looks normal to me."

"Are you.... can you............ JEZEUS. No. Put those back on, or up, or in. Whatever!!!"

"So I can? Yay!" He stretched out onto the pillow before I even had a chance. 

"Scott! No. Go. To. Your. Room." Instead, he wiggled under the covers, and a moment later his boxers flew across the room. "Fine, I'll sleep on the couch." I threw my legs over the edge of the bed and felt his hand wrap around my wrist.

"Don't leave me. I'll be good. Just want you."

My heart was about to beat out of my damn chest. I wonder if he could hear it? Did he have to say it that way? I knew he was just lonely but why did everything have to sound so right when I knew what he meant? "I can't, and no you don't. I don't either. Nothing good will happen if I stay here."

"Lots of good could happen" he grinned. "Come on, you don't mind taking other people up on it. What, not good enough for you?" He pulled me back towards him and I turned my head to see his face. "Heard what Jay said. Tricked you too. Not as drink as you thunk I am.'

"I think you just proved yourself wrong there, Stiletto. Seriously, you're offering me a hook-up? With you? Not going to happen for every reason in the WORLD. And what are you talking about tricking me?" 

He didn't answer, just grinned his cocky lop-sided grin at me for a few minutes while he fiddled with his hair. Finally he focused on the conversation. "Not telling you, but you can't call Jay. I broke it. And what reason Mittens? Haven't you ever thought about it? I have."

"Thinking and doing are two TOTALLY different things. We can't. End of discussion."

"Why no not?"

"Because it would mean something to me! Okay?" I turned my back to him, trying to blink back the stupid tears that were picking this moment to break out of my eyes, Alcatraz style.

"But that's good. What's wrong Mascara?"

"Nothing. Can we just go to bed?"

"Trying to. You won't come. Or, well, yeah. That's it exactly. You don't want to come!" He cracked up at his own innuendo. "I'm good." I felt the bed shift, then felt him sitting up behind me, close. "It would mean something to me too. I wouldn't do it if it... if if... fuck. I mean, yeah, you know."

"Look, Scott. If it meant something, you'd do it sober. So would I. But we don't. There's a reason for that and I'm not drunk, so it's my job to make sure we stick to it. Mommy is exhausted."

"Would you kiss me if I'm sober?"

"You won't ask Sherlock. Trust me."

"How do you know Watson?"

"Because we've had this conversation before. It's like fucking Groundhog day around here when you drink."

"You think I won't remember?"

"I KNOW you won't Scott."

"Sounds like a bet to me." He rolled down and turned his back to me, leaving me plenty of bed space. "If I win the bet will you kiss me?

"Sure, fine."

"Good night Munchkin."

I snuck under my blanket but on top of the sheet, leaving a barrier between us. I didn't trust myself otherwise. "Good night Starbright." Then I spent the next half hour trying to decide what I'd do if he did remember, and did ask.

*****

Made it through, but just barely. Advice of the day: Sunglasses make a really good phone holder to watch videos and stuff. So tired, drugs are kicking in. I've been sleeping more than awake lately, I think.


	17. April 22

I had to wait for this part until he brought the letter over. I've attached it here for you. He seemed amazed that I still had it; I don't know how he'd think otherwise. I know you know about the letter and most of this day, but you asked for the WHOLE story, so I'm including it.

*****

The apartment was quiet and my bed was empty except for one snuggly kitten curled up against Scott's pillow. Well, not *his* pillow, but the one he had used that still smelled like him. I must admit that I was surprised; I didn't expect Mr. Gas-can shotput man up until noon at the earliest and it was barely 10. I stumbled into the bathroom for a quick shower. 

When I got out, I decided to send Jay a text but it bounced back to me. The fucker had gone into his contact list and messed up his number. Finally, him 'tricking' me last night made sense. Oh well, I would see Jay again eventually and THIS time I would get his damn number.

I went in search of food and sustenance and saw the water and note on the table. I sat down, swallowed two advil, and unfolded the paper.

Mitch,

Good morning. Hope you slept okay. I have a proposition for you, so hear me out. I want to talk about last night and tomorrow, and the day after. You thought I would forget didn't you? I don't always forget, you know, but you always shut me down so I accept it. I've never wanted to push you, although when I'm drunk it's hard to keep my feelings hidden. Last night though, you gave me hope. So I figure it's time one of us put ourselves on the line and I can't wait any more so I guess it'll be me. 

I love you,Mitch. If you want a chance, come downstairs at noon and get in my car. I'll be waiting.

If you don't, well, that's okay too. I'll wait until 12:30 and then I'll go get lunch and hit the beach for the afternoon. When I come back it'll be fine. I won't mention this letter, and I'll do my best to be who and what you need me to be, your friend. We've always been friends and no matter what you choose, I won't let it ruin that.

You said I wouldn't want to kiss you sober. I deserve a damn Emmy award if you really believe that. Take a chance, please. Meet me halfway. Either way I win, but I'll let you back out of the bet. I love you.

\-- Me

I was stunned. Maybe this is what a stroke feels like. I couldn't even close my mouth, it was hanging open while my eyes bore holes into the paper in my hands. Finally my brain started functioning again. Yes, it was his writing. No, I wasn't imagining this. Wait, was I dreaming? A quick pinch proved I was awake, and stupid. 

Was it a joke? Now that was a thought that chilled me to the bone. Scott could be sharp-tongued and he loved a joke but this, no, he wouldn't. Right? No, he meant it. But what had he said? That he wanted to talk about things right? I had until noon -- shit, NOON. I had no idea where we were going or what would happen but I could NOT GO OUT LIKE THIS. I dove back into my room and started destroying my closet.

11:32. Almost half an hour until I was supposed to walk through my front door and meet him. Maybe I shouldn't wear this jacket? No, it was good. I looked good and I felt good. I needed coffee though, I needed to clear my head and think. More than that, I had to get out of this apartment before I had a fucking heart attack to go with the stroke.

I flew down the steps and speed-walked the block and a half to Starbucks. I thanked the Gods the line was short and soon had my drink in hand. I walked back towards home, sipping my coffee and trying to figure out what I wanted.

I know, it seems obvious, but it's not. Yes, I loved him but it's not a lustful or crush love, it's more solid than that. Yes, he's gorgeous but I also know every single one of his flaws, every bad habit, and every way to push his buttons. He knows the same about me. We've been (not)together so long that I don't even know if I could change and treat him like a boyfriend. Yes, kissing him would be amazing. Touching him, possibly life changing. But would that fizzle out quickly and leave us with........ with what?

The realization of how bad this could all end hit me as I reached the steps to the apartment. I could lose everything for a chance. A chance that seemed slim, in the light of day. It was like playing the lottery. Was I willing to go all-in for a chance at winning the grand prize?

I sat down on the step and waited. There was no point in going back to the apartment for 8 minutes. I knew I would meet with him, I would never leave him hanging for half an hour with his feelings on the line. I had less than 10 minutes to figure out how to let down the person I loved more than anyone; to gather the strength to give up something I wanted desperately. 100 years wouldn't be enough, but I had to try.

*****

Your advice is that you don't get anything other than today. It's good, because you can't go back and change things, nor can you guarantee the future. That's also the curse of it. But, because today is it, enjoy it. Embrace it. Don't push it aside by wallowing in the past or waiting for tomorrow.


	18. April 23

When Scott's car pulled up I could barely see him. The passenger door opened a bit and I heard a muffled "Get in, quick, but be careful! Guess I went overboard." I couldn't argue, the car was absolutely PACKED with balloons. There were silver stars and red hearts. His car isn't all that big and there must have been at least a dozen of each.

"I was worried you wouldn't come" he said softly.

"I wouldn't leave you waiting, not knowing. I'm here to talk, that's all. I don't think----" I was interrupted by a balloon bashing into my face after being pushed by his arm, trying to clear space so he could see out the side window to turn. "I'm not sure this is safe, or legal."

"Not going far but you're probably right on both accounts Matlock."

"Going to tell me what the balloons are for?" I asked. I was amused and wanted to know what else was in store for the day.

"I have a plan, dear. No worries. Hey, did you get some sleep? Sorry if I kept you up last night."

"I did. I can't believe you're up and speaking at a normal volume though. The note was, well, surprising though Stickman."

"I thought about just telling you, but I wanted to give you time to process on your own. Figured you might need it."

"So you've remembered other nights?" I asked hesitantly. What I really wanted to know was about one particular night, but I didn't dare.

"Some. Mostly bits and pieces of them, but several in full detail. Just enough to know I want more, and that you do too."

That hushed me. I didn't know what to say but was saved when the car came to a stop.

"We're here. I'm going to pull out the hearts, can you hold this?" He handed me a bunch of string, I guess to the star balloons and I watched and giggled as he tried to get out of the car and untangle them. It was a mess, but it was also really sweet. "Okay, hand me the stars and just let me wrap these... okay, come on out."

I watched his back as he walked up a little hill, a bunch of balloons in each hand. I followed him, coming out into an open, grassy meadow next to a picnic table. He turned and smiled that megawatt smile at me and I knew I had to stop him, had to make sure he understood, but I thought too long and he started.

"I know this is confusing, and scary, and seems hard Mitchie. It's huge. It matters so, so much. So, there are two sets of balloons." He tied one set of the balloons on either end of the table and then turned back to me, walking up to take my hands in his. "I've had more time to think, and I know how your brain works. I know you want to try, and I know you're scared. So, grab a star balloon and tell me and the world one thing you're worried about; one thing about this that is making you say no. Try to convince me to keep ignoring this."

I looked at him and gave him a small grin, then walked up and untangled one balloon. It was floating above me, being pulled by the wind. It wanted to be free. I watched as Scott took a heart balloon and held it. "I'm scared that when it ends, we won't be able to be friends. I don't want to lose you." I stared at the ground, suddenly shy.

"Mitch, we've been through a hundred trials that most friends never come through and we're stronger for it. I would never, ever, abandon you. You can't lose me because we're connected, and always will be. I promise. Look at me."

I did, even though emotion was playing all over my face. "Okay." I didn't know how it would be okay, but I thought that it actually might be.

"It's my biggest concern too Mittens, I've thought about it a lot. I think this one is a tie, and we both release our balloons."

"Ah, a contest, I see" I said as I watched the balloons float upwards together, caught in the wind. "What if we're not, um, sexually compatible? What if there's no attraction there?" I asked, after grabbing another balloon.

"Think it's just a forbidden fruit thing Moonbeam? It's definitely not that on my end, but only you can decide for you."

Before I knew it he had taken two steps and used his free hand to pull me towards him. His mouth was on mine in a flash, and I melted as his arm wrapped around my back. A moment later I pulled away, breathing heavy.

"I'll take that as a win" he said, looking up.

I tilted my head and watched as my balloon floated up to the sky. I didn't remember letting it go, but I couldn't argue, and didn't want to. "Scottland?"

"Yes?"

"What if we're not good to each other? What if we're so used to being friends that we just can't....... I don't know how to say what I mean. It's different, there's a different energy, you know?"

"I have wanted to hold you, comfort you, tease you and caress you a MILLION times. I stop myself constantly. The times that I can pretend, like the other day when we were laying in bed and watching a movie, are the times I like best. I adore you, just let me show you."

I slowly twirled my index finger in a circle, unwinding the string. For the next half hour we talked, and set balloons free. At the end, he held ten red heart balloons and I, not a single star.

"Ready to go home, love?"

"Yes, and ready for large amounts of wine, Skittles."

"Isn't that what got us into this in the first place?" he asked, wrapping his arm around my shoulders as we headed to the car.

I didn't know what to say, or where to look, or what to do with my hands for the whole drive home. Scott looked relaxed, somehow, and I returned his smile but I felt like a rubberband stretched too thin. I still couldn't wrap my head around the fact that we were going to try to do this, to be an actual couple. 

"Stop overthinking things Mitch."

He was right, as usual. There was NO way this relationship could work if I couldn't hide from him or lie to him. What was I thinking? "I'm not."

He just chuckled and switched the song. "Whatever you say. Want to go out for dinner later? It could be our first date."

His grin was contagious. "Sure, that sounds nice." I fiddled with the hem of my sweater for a moment before finally convincing myself that this was still Scott and if I couldn't talk to him, I was in trouble. "I don't know how this is going to work. What's going to happen? It's weird."

He reached over and took my hand. "I know but it's exciting and fun, too. It'll be fine. No, it's going to be amazing." His thumb was rubbing small circles on the back of my hand.

I managed to keep calm and not be ridiculous for the rest of the ride, and on our quick walk up to the door. "We live together but haven't ever been on a date. I have NO idea how to do this!" I gave up, the frustration and fear was pouring out of me. 

All of a sudden he was right in front of me, his hands cupping my cheeks and lifting my face up to see him. "Yes you do. Just be you, Miranda, that's all I want."

He was so honest, the words so heartfelt that I melted a bit and blushed. I wrapped my arms around his waist and stepped towards him, leaning against his chest. I felt his arms around my back, holding me close and then his cheek rested on top of my head. I could have stayed there forever, but a few minutes later he brought a hand up to push my bangs to the side and then kissed my forehead. "You're not the only one scared, but it's us, and it'll be okay."

We were alone, and I was close to him, and I finally had permission. I had built up a wall of defense against his charms but I was trying to let it down. "Don't go yet, I want to touch you." I ran my hands up his back and then down, trailing my fingertips over his ass and around his hips. And just as quickly, my wall went back up and I stepped back and turned away, pulling my phone from my pocket.

"It's alright Mitchie. Why don't you pick the restaurant and let me know what time. I'm going to hit my room for a few, okay?"

He didn't want to go, Scott never wanted to be alone, but he was giving me the space I needed. "Okay. Thanks. I'm sorry, it's just.... I'll get over it. I'm just being weird."

"It's not me, it's you?" he asked, grinning.

"Yeah Souffle, exactly. Um, why don't we leave at 7? I'll figure out where we're going by then, does anything sound good?"

"You know me Muppet, anything. Italian would be good." He winked at me, the little devil, and gave me his crooked half-smile before turning and going into his room.

I flopped down on the couch and then curled up in the corner, holding onto my phone as if it were a flotation device and I was in Titanic. At 6:45 I was still screwing around on Tumblr, ignoring the alarm I had set to make me get up and make myself presentable. Five minutes later Scott came out and sat down next to me, wrapping his arm around my shoulder and pulling me towards him. He smelled good and felt even better. "My brain is yelling that I'm not allowed to do this."

"Maybe we need to open a bottle of wine and shut your brain up."

"Trying to get me drunk and take advantage of me, Mr. Hoying?"

He sat up straighter and turned, holding me at arms length. "No. No I'm not. Our first time is not going to be a drunken hook-up. But you're stressed, and I hate watching you hurt."

"Can we order in? I don't feel like going out. Is that okay?"

"Sure Melissa, no problem. Movie?"

"That sounds really good. Thanks." His words were similar, but he was right, it was different. They felt different, I felt different. It was nothing I could have put into words, just that the air was more charged. I was more aware of every move he made, every sound, every look. My hands were trembling and I finally figured it out -- I was nervous. With Scott. It made no sense but there it was. I smiled to myself and glanced over at the beautiful man who was watching me out of the corner of his eye. "Caught you. Busted."

He didn't answer, just got up and went to the kitchen and grabbed two glasses from the cabinet before opening a bottle of wine. "To us" he said, handing me a glass.

"To us."

*****

Do the best you can. It's all you can do.


	19. April 27

I'm sorry it's been so long but I'm not really able to do this much anymore. I'll try to finish up. This is a little dirty, but it's our first time so, well, suck it up girl. Glad I wrote the last page already. Don't forget.

*****

I was cozy. Sometimes, it's hard to put the right word to an emotion but this one was easy. My head was in Scott's lap and his fingers were brushing through my hair. He'd put a blanket down over me and I was curled up; this must be exactly how Wyatt feels when he's on my pillow. The only reason I hadn't fallen asleep yet was, well, my head was in Scott's lap. And did I mention his fingers? I watched the credits start to roll and sighed, knowing I would have to get up.

"Want a pillow?" he asked, scooting his leg out from under me.

"No, I'm getting up." I sat up and watched him stand, grabbing the glasses and the half-full bottle of wine and head to the kitchen. Now that was a first, the two of us not finishing a bottle, or two.

Once he disappeared into the bathroom I stood up and then hesitated, not knowing what to do. Normally I would just head into my room and get ready for bed, but tonight wasn't normal. He'd be upset if I just disappeared, right? He'd been so sweet, he at least deserved a 'good night.' I wandered into the kitchen and finished loading up the dishwasher to give myself something to do.

My mind was wandering, jumping around like a toddler until I finally realized that whatever I wanted to happen, would. Scott wouldn't push, or take more than I was comfortable with. So, the real question was, what did I want? To kiss him, thoroughly. A hot and heavy make-out session sounded DAMN good.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah, of course" I answered. "Why?"

"You've been holding that cup for about 2 minutes." He walked over and took it from my hand, putting it into the dishwasher and closing the door.

I grinned at myself and then looked up and he was RIGHT in front of me. His eyes were gorgeous, sparkling ocean water. He licked his lip and I couldn't take my eyes off of him. I reached up and grabbed his hair and lowered him to me, finding his gorgeous lips. This, this I could do. My brain practically short-circuited before I finally shut it off and just gave in.

I don't know how long we stood in that kitchen, arms and hands everywhere and lungs panting for breath. I wasn't even sure which way was up or which counter was pressing into my back.

"Up" he moaned, lifting me to sit on the counter. His hands went down to my a$$, pulling me against him. I felt his c0ck pressing against mine, the delicious friction causing me to press further against him mindlessly, my hips trying to rock. "Miittttttttttttch" he growled as he ripped my shirt over my head. "I have wanted" he whispered before flicking his tongue over my nipple "to taste you forever" and then his mouth was everywhere, my chest a map he was exploring.

I closed my eyes and rested back on my elbows, enjoying. His stubble was rough against my skin, his lips oh so soft. His teeth nipped lightly before his tongue smoothed over, making me dizzy. When he found the dip of my collarbone I let out a breathy 'Jesus' before resuming my mewling.

"I want to come with you. I want to hear and watch you come undone for me. Can I touch you?" he asked, his fingers brushing the waistband of my sweats.

I hesitated just a moment and he read it, knows me so well.

"Just hands, no sex. Let me get us off." He leaned over, looking into my eyes as I shook my head yes. He gave me just a moment to take it back before sliding his hand down and stroking my c0ck. His hand was so big, sensation overload. And then it was gone. "Lift" and then my a$$ was against the counter. "You're beautiful."

I whimpered, a sound that doesn't often come from my mouth before looking down to watch him step out of his pants. He was perfect. Every single thing I wanted to do to him flew through my head in the two seconds it took him to step against me, taking us together in his hand. His arm wrapped around my back, pulling me up towards him and my mouth nestled in his shoulder, my lips finally getting to explore.

I snuck one hand down, cupping our balls. He shuddered and I felt it in my lips, felt the quick intake of air down his throat. His hips bucked and his thumb swept across the tip of my c0ck and the fire I had been trying to hold back overtook me. "I......" was all I could manage.

"Look at me" he commanded and I did, and his eyes were beautiful. He was so close, I could see it and then his lips were on mine, taking over and I just held on for dear life as I erupted, thrusting against him. He growled and the sound went straight to my balls as he shuddered and coated our hands as well.

We stayed there just a moment until our breathing calmed down. He leaned to my ear and whispered that he'd be right back, sending shivers down my spine. He went to the sink and washed his hands, returning with a warm cloth and gently cleaned us off while sneaking kisses, making my heart swell.

"Where do you want to sleep?"

"Wherever you are" I answered, sliding down off the counter. He grabbed his pants and I followed him into my room and watched him curl up in my bed. 

"Are you okay?" He asked, watching me from half-closed eyes.

"Definitely. You?"

"I'm not the one that was concerned about it, as I recall. Not that I'm going to mind proving you wrong."

"Don't start if you can't finish, Salt Shaker."

"Oh, I can start and finish, just give me 10 minutes" he grinned, laying his arm to the side and inviting me in.

I laid my head on his chest, curled under his shoulder and perfectly content. "You have really nice hands."

"Thank you. I also have a really nice tongue."

"I'll have good dreams tonight, I'm sure."

"Goodnight Moonbeam, thanks for trying."

"Thanks for remembering."

*****

It was an amazing night. The first of many, many, many nights. And now you know the story. I'll try to get a few more pages written about how we finally told everyone, and maybe even our first fight if I get to it.

Are you getting tired of the advice yet? Won't be many more. Here you go: Don't lie to your father. He may let you *think* you're getting away with it but he always knows.


	20. April 29

Guess who I found reading this when I opened my eyes? Yeah, Mr. 6 foot 3 and a half, himself. He was crying but I think it was mostly from laughter. He says he'll trust my version, since he doesn't remember almost any of it. He also said to tell you about the real first time and that you're old enough. I think he just wants to reread it later in private, *ahem*. I'll think about it, I guess. For now, let's move ahead....

Okay, I've tried to write 3 times today and between you crazies dancing around, being loopy half the time and all the other interruptions, I give up.

If you really want to know, we didn't have actual sex for weeks. I don't remember exactly, but it was at least 2, maybe even 3. Yeah, we did everything else under the sun but both of us held off. I think we were scared, it just felt too big, too real. I felt like if the relationship fell apart before, MAYBE we could salvage our friendship but sex was it, you know? The point of no return.

We had been out that night with friends, we went out to dinner. It was still before we told the gang, although Kirstie had been asking me who the new guy was. Apparently I was blatantly love-struck. Oh well. I don't know what happened during that dinner but when we got home, we both just knew. It was the night, and it was absolutely going to happen.

And it did.

And that, my dear, was that. And that, by the way, was AH--MAAAZING.

I'm too tired to write any more tonight, I'll try tomorrow. Love you Princess.


	21. April 30

I'm home. Finally. It feels so good to be back. I know it's a little extra work for you guys but it means the world to me. Oh let's be honest, this has been a giant pain in the ass. I'm sorry, but I know you don't want to hear it. I don't feel guilty but I am sorry, okay? The medication switch is making it hard to stay awake long enough to write though so I guess I'll do it in pieces.

*****

I wanted to tell you about Kirstie. She invited me out to dinner after practice one day and I spent half an hour describing Scott to her but trying to not give it away. It went something like this:

"So, how did you meet him?"

"Oh, I've known him a long time."

"What does he look like?"

"He's taller than me, blond, cute, amazing shoulders."

"So how long has this been going on?"

"Not long, but it's good. Really good."

"You really, really like this guy. I can see it in your dimple Mitchie."

"Yeah. I'm probably blushing too. Stop."

"What does he do?"

"He's in the business."

"Wait, is he a friend of Cody's?"

"Yeah, actually, he is."

And finally, finally... "Hey, what's his name?"

"Scott."

"Scott Scott?"

"Yep."

"You could have just SAID that. About damn time Mitchell. So what are you wearing for the appearance tomorrow?"

*****

And that was it. No biggie. I don't think she could have cared less. Scott told Avi and Kevin and got basically the same answer. I guess we were the only ones who didn't think we were already dating. We kept it under wraps from the fans for almost another year, until we were really, really sure and though I think there may have been a few shots thrown back in our honor, it wasn't that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things.

It's like a fucking meet and greet in here. What is with all the people? 

*****

Just spent 2 hours curled on the couch with Scott watching a movie. It's the little things, love. Life is really very sweet.


	22. May 1

It's May already. Time flies when you're... whether you're having fun or not. I'm going to tell you how we got engaged. Alright, it was Christmas Eve...

*****

"Sorry we couldn't make it to Texas for Christmas this year Mittens."

"It's okay, I kind of like having you to myself. So what do you want to do tonight while we wait for Santa?"

"We should watch the obligatory Christmas Movie -- do you want 'Wonderful Life' or 'Miracle?'"

I snuggled up against him and bit his earlobe. "Rather not."

He grabbed my waist and pulled me up so I was straddling him which is one of my favorite places to be in the entire world. "Is that so?" He started kissing and teasing the side of my neck and I was in heaven.

I took his hat off and ran my fingers through his hair, finally pulling his head up so I could kiss him properly. And thoroughly. And damn well. And some more. And then again. I had snuck a hand down to rearrange myself but it wasn't going to cut it. "Pants" I muttered before lifting to my knees. I tried to be graceful but of course they wouldn't come off with my legs on either side of his hips so I had to move one over.

He just grinned at me as I teetered and practically threw me onto my back, yanking my pants off. "Better? Yes, much." He licked his lips and then leaned down and took me straight down his throat. 

I practically levitated off the couch and saw stars. I'm sure I muttered 'yaaaaaaaas' or something to that effect but it could have been in my head. He worked me over until I was a shivering, needy mess who would have agreed to anything.

"I want you."

"Please."

"Tell me"

"I need you. Please."

He gripped my hands in one of his and raised them up behind me on the arm of the couch. His other hand was working me open agonizingly slowly.

I pushed against his hand with mine, forcing him to grip them tighter and hold me down. My hips bucked against his fingers. "Please. I want your c0ck."

"Greedy, needy Mariah." He kissed me until I couldn't breathe, then moved down to my nipples.

"Please. Fuck me. I need....... Scott.... I need" was all I could manage. He was everywhere; my hands, my chest, my a$$, pressed against my leg. When he finally took me, I don't think I lasted even 2 minutes. I was so gone, out of my head as I watched his face, his eyes as they locked with mine.

Afterwards we finally made it to bed and were snuggled up. "I don't think I've ever rung in Christmas that way before Scotch."

He was quiet, had been since making love. Odd for him, but he wasn't upset so it didn't bother me. Instead of answering he pulled me closer and kissed my forehead.

"I love when you hold me."

"I don't ever want to let you go. I...... fuck it, I'm going to do it. I can't wait. Mitch?"

I lifted my head a bit so I could see his face, his tone had me curious. "Yes?"

"You know I never want to be without you. Ever. We belong together."

"That's some afterglow you've got going, love. I feel the same way."

"Do you Mitch?"

"Of course." What was with my name all of a sudden though?

"I was going to wait until New Years. I had a plan. But...." He gently pushed me away and stood up, walking buck-ass naked to his closet.

I watched, confused as he reached up to the shelf and pulled out a small...... box. Fuck, a jewelry box. A Tiffany's blue box. Oh, my Christmas present? What did he mean about New Years? Oh MY GOD.

He sat back down on the edge of the bed and took my hand. "Mitch, you're my soul mate and I want to be with you for always. Will you marry me?"

"I...." My mouth was moving but no sounds were coming out. "Yes, of course I will. Are you really asking me?"

He looked down, then pulled the blanket over his lap and giggled. "Yeah, I couldn't wait. I'll wait till you're ready though, whenever you want. I just.... I had to. I love you."

"I love you too, goofball. Now let me see my ring."

*****

We got married pretty quickly, that next September. It was a gorgeous, small ceremony. I know you've seen pictures.

Your advice: Sometimes great things happen even if the timing's not right, or in a different way than you imagine. Don't let the details get in the way of enjoying and appreciating the good stuff.


	23. May 2

Did we ever tell you that we almost didn't get married? I'm serious. I almost destroyed the best thing in my life. Solid relationships have been torn apart by less. I guess it wasn't all my fault, but it certainly wasn't Scott's. I have to keep it short, not doing well. I'll try to get the important parts.

*****

I woke up in Jay's bed. I only knew it was Jay's bed because he was in it and it wasn't mine. I didn't remember getting IN the bed, but there was no doubt we'd had sex because I was sore as hell. It was bad enough that it hurt almost as much as my head and that is never, never okay. I completely panicked then, grabbing everything of mine I could find and calling a cab from the Starbucks on the corner to get a ride home.

When I got there, Scott was still asleep. I got a shower; a very, very thorough shower and then went through my phone looking for clues about the previous night. I wanted to curl up in bed with him but just couldn't do it. I was sitting on the couch when he walked out the bedroom.

"Where the fuck were you? I was so worried about you!" He wasn't angry, or maybe he was a little but he was mostly relieved.

And that's where I broke down bawling like a baby. I couldn't tell him, how could I tell him? I didn't even know WHAT to tell him because other than meeting Tyler, Troye and Jay at the bar while Scott was busy doing a collab, I didn't remember anything.

"God baby, are you okay? What happened?" 

He was so sweet, and it just made it worse. "I don't know. I was with Jay. I don't know."

"Why didn't you call me? Why were you with Jay? You mean, like, WITH Jay?" He pulled back, holding me by the shoulders.

All I could do was nod. "I think. I don't......."

He jumped off the couch. "You had sex, like sex-sex, with Jay?"

Again, I nodded.

"We're getting married next month! WHAT THE FUCK? Why? What?" he paced, wringing his hands and running them through his hair.

I wanted to explain, to make it better, but I couldn't. "I didn't mean to. I don't remember. I don't know" I sobbed. The look on his face felt like a punch in the stomach.

"Did you at least use a fucking condom?"

"I don't know." I didn't want to tell him that I didn't even think lube had been involved and given that, I would bet no on the condom as well. 

"Figure it out and then maybe we can talk. Decide why you slept with him, alright? You owe me a fucking explanation." He was crying at this point, shoving on his shoes and heading towards the door. "And go to the damn doctor."

The door slammed, not loudly or on purpose, but it slammed just the same. I curled into a ball on the couch and sobbed until I didn't have any tears left. Then I got mad, and called Tyler.

"Help me Tyler. What happened last night?" I begged.

"Didn't Jay leave you a note? I told him to write it down for you because you wouldn't remember. That jackass drugged your drink and Jay took you home. Are you okay?" He had started out sleepy, but had woken up quickly.

"Jay spiked my drink?"

"No Mitch, the dude at the bar, remember? You don't remember. We noticed though, T and I noticed right away and Jay offered to take you home to sleep it off. Honey, you're scaring me."

"Wait a sec, let me think. Did the guy uh, fuck. Did we do anything?"

"What do you mean honey?"

"Someone tore me up last night so it's either that random dude I don't remember or Jay. He didn't bring me home, I woke up at his place."

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAHAAT? No, no. No, the bitch from the bar didn't get near you, I don't think. No, no, he didn't. But Jay wouldn't.... right? Okay, let me call Jay. I am SO going to take care of this, right now. I'll call you right back."

He didn't really give me time to protest so I sat on the couch, numbly staring at the wall until he called back a few minutes later and said that Jay swore he didn't touch me. Tyler didn't believe him though, and I was gingerly sitting on the evidence. I broke down crying as I told him about Scott, and he said he'd call and talk to him but I begged him not to, to give me time to do it myself.

It took me almost two days to stop hating myself enough to call him and beg him to come over so we could talk. I have few regrets, and not trusting him enough to tell him right away is high on my list. I put him through 2 days of hell because of my cowardice. But even though he was hurt, Scott walked into the apartment not even an hour later and we had it out. He was pissed and confused, rightfully so, but he was there. I was mostly just sad and guilty. After I apologized, and bared my soul, that brave, crazy man held my hand while we waited at the doctor's office, and made me dinner and tucked me into bed that night. 

And that day was when I knew that I was 100% making the right decision to spend my life with him. There wasn't room for a single doubt. He was still upset, still working through things in his head but it didn't stop him from loving and taking care of me because no matter what, he was on my side. He's still that way, we're still a team. We may not always agree, and we certainly have our bad days, but we've always stood together and are strong as hell because of it.

*****

I know it's not a happy story, but I think it's important for you to know. Tomorrow I'm going to tell you all about how you came into our life which is much, much more fun. I've been thinking about some crazy stories that you might not know. Oooh, and I want to tell you about the honeymoon, too. For now, I need to rest.

Your advice: Be careful in bars and at parties. Don't accept open or poured drinks from strangers. And god forbid something happens, go to the doctor. Immediately. Trust me, they won't judge you or make things difficult; they see it too often.


	24. The Last Page

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Hey Starlight, Starbright, only girl I'll kiss tonight. I haven't tucked you into bed in a long time, except for last year when you got stupid drunk and Dad went to pick you up and brought you home to stay with us. Anyway, I hope you're doing alright, 'pushing up and through' as you always say, you little pervert. I have no idea where you get it from.

It's a little creepy to be writing this now, knowing that I'll be gone when you're reading it. I'm good with it though, this existential limbo land has grown on me. I know we've talked and I've loved every one of your visits but I want to reiterate a few things and make sure you remember them. This time you two can't tell me to stop thinking about the after. I know you mean well and don't want to think about it, but there are things that need said whether you want to hear them or not.

I love you, madly. Have from the moment your aunt Lauren told us she was pregnant. That's a surprise for you, isn't it? I talked with them, and they're okay with me telling you. Honestly, we would have told you years ago if you ever asked, but you always said it wasn't important. You're right, it's not, but you should know anyway. Biologically, Lauren's your mother and I'm your father. You know that doesn't matter all that much though, Scott and I are your parents, period. I'll never forget the first time I held you in my arms. You have been such a joy and blessing these past 19 years. Okay, also a giant pain in the ass, a trial, and the cause of sleepless nights at times. But, through all that, an amazing adventure. I can't imagine our life without you.

I'm so, so sorry I have to leave you. I wanted many, many more years. I can not tell you how much I want to be at your college graduation, cry at your wedding and to hold my grandchildren. It's okay though, we have to accept that it's just not going to happen. You will be surrounded by people who love you, of that I have no doubt. You have an amazing family and we all love you to the moon and back. I am so proud of the young woman you've become.

Charlotte, I need you to help take care of your father. He's going to worry about you, and pretend to be okay but you can NOT let him slip into 'Stoic Scott the UnNeedy'. Let him cry, throw things, eat too much chocolate, whatever he wants. Don't let him not feel. I know you'll be hurting too but I have been his other half since we were 10, that's 38 damn years. He's losing his best friend, his partner-in-crime, his soul mate and his husband, all at once. I'm not sure how he's going to make it. I honestly.... I'm more scared for him than anything. What I've gone through these past few months is nothing compared to what he faces.

I've tried to talk to him about this but I need you to understand as well. I hope by now you realize how impossible your father is about love. If you've read this far, you know he's not very good at figuring these things out. But honey, he is not the kind of person who should be alone. He needs to love and be loved more than anyone I've ever known. I know it'll take some time, or hell, maybe he'll hit on someone at the funeral (not funny? sorry) but either way, you need to encourage him. I WANT him to love again. If I can't take care of him, someone had better do it. Please? Do it for me. 

He will never take a single step if he thinks you would disapprove or it would hurt you in some way. If he meets someone who is good to him and kind to you, promise me you'll be right behind him, reminding him to call and ironing his shirts. It won't be the same, of course because we all know I'm irreplaceable, but it will be good for him. I want him happy. If you ever wonder what I would want, or what I would think, it's easy because that's all I've ever wanted; I just want him to be happy. That goes for you, as well.

Finally, I want to apologize. There will be times in the future that you'll need me and I won't be there. It's okay to be mad at me, I am. Believe me, I am SO done with this fucking cancer. It's not fair, it's just not. I'm sorry. I would do anything.... But Charlotte, I'm ready. It's meant so much to have you two with me these past few weeks, but whenever it happens, know that I've accepted it, and I'm ready. I'm tired of the pain, tired of the hospital and tired of watching the people I love suffer. I hope he can spring me out of here and I can spend my last days at home, but it's okay either way. Let it go, love.

I've had a good life. No, I've had a great life. I couldn't have asked for more in the time I had. I wish I had another 30 years but I don't regret a single year that I did have. I.... I love you Princess. Give your father a hug from me, please. Thank you for asking me to write down how we fell in love; the memories have brought me a lot of joy during some very hard days. I hope I got far enough to fill in all the blanks and answer your questions.

My final advice: Tell the truth, and accept nothing less in return. So much pain and frustration can be prevented that way. Bye sweetheart, I love you. Be the most amazing 'you' the world has ever seen.

Shine bright, my Starlight. Mi Starlotta. Charlotte.

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There they were and here we are. I hope you enjoyed the longer version of Drunk Scott, although I realize some of you may hate me right now. I apologize, although I think it's one hell of a story. 
> 
> Take care of yourselves :)


End file.
